The tragic story sounds so familiar in the last few months.  It sounds like Lance Armstrong. It sounds like Manti Te’0.  It sounds like OJ Simpson. This time, it’s Oscar Pistorius.

Can you really believe that he thought his beautiful model girlfriend was an intruder as he insists?  Really?  Why not pre-judge Pistorius?

Because sometimes things aren’t as they first seem.  None of us were in that upscale home in South Africa on Valentines Day.  Even if it’s mentally strenuous to stay in the zone of mystery, we just don’t know.

I confess that I have a hard time living in the zone of the oh too often “not sure.”  I like things more straightforward. But, weren’t we so “sure” that Lance Armstrong never doped?  Weren’t we so”sure” that Manti Te’o fabricated the whole girlfriend saga to gain media attention?.  Even if “innocent until proven guilty” is the way it’s supposed to work, judging with a bit of evidence feels so much easier on the brain.  Either this..or that.

Truth be told, most human beings have a hard time living in the foggy zone of not knowing.  Instead of being OK with “withhold judgement until the evidence is in” and “innocent until proven guilty,” I find myself judging and aiming for all black and white.  Is he a monster or role model?   A charlatan or champion?  From heaven or the pit of hell?

I discover this pre-judge propensity inside and feel so uncomfortable ancient theologians called the “cloud of unknowing.”  It’s where we abandon all preconceived notions of the way things work and even how God works and courageously accept that we just may not have all the answers at this time…. even if they exist.   We would rather have a “Disneyesque” version of life.  (I do!)  We wish upon a star and dreams come true.  Heroes are always heroes.  The plot comes together into a neat story at the end and the good guys win.

Can we be OK in not knowing, at least not knowing some things, and still moving forward with what we do know in the dark?  Dreams too?

Or would we rather convict the innocent and free the guilty?  Would we rather be a success or a failure.  A world changer or a wishful thinker?  A leader or a loser?   Sometimes, we need to just suspend judgement and be OK.

Yes, once upon a time I could get away with eating whatever I wanted, whenever I wanted to and as much as I wanted.   But that all changed after 30 and the rest has been painful to my scale.  And, 30 was while ago!

However, I am learning a new way.  I believe that old dogs can…….. change!   And this way of life  applies to diets, dreams and actually even to the spiritual life.   The simple insights in Tim Ferris’s new book called the “Four Hour Diet” has rearranged my thinking.  Basically; (warning: gross oversimplification here! But, simple is what I need!) Stop focusing on what you don’t eat, can’t eat and how much you must forgo!  Instead: focus on what you can eat 6 days a week.  (Proteins, vegetables, nuts, beans, eggs, spices, fats, oils…) Then one day a week, totally eat like a horse! Take an out of control Sabbath! Yes!

On the stairmaster this morning, I was thinking how Jesus taught this same way:  The way of life that works is the path of positive refocus.  Though few would argue with the Ten Commandments and how much keeping the law works, most don’t and can’t.  Jesus taught He did not come to abolish the law, but to fulfill it.  When asked by the religious establishment just which commandment is most important, (Between the lines, “What do we need to suck it up and ‘say no to’ most?) Jesus responded with positive replacement: “Love the Lord your God… and Love Your neighbor as yourself.” (Mark 28-31)

Resistance rarely works:  Replacement often does!   Positive replacement brings life… and results.  Simplify instead of sentencing yourself to endless failure.  Replace your can’ts with cans. 

So here’s how this applies to dreams: Replace what you can’t do (at least yet) with what you can do. Focusing on what you haven’t done, can’t do, will likely lead to discouragement, depression and even despair.   Time to let that go, at least for now.   So, you can’t quit your day job, move to Tahiti and become a full time author: But you can write for an hour today and create a chapter this week.  So you can’t create new jobs for thousands: you can hire one person with great skills.  You can’t travel the world this year: you can plan a trip to a National Park this summer.  Positive baby steps in the right direction work… and encourage us!

What do Diets, Dreams and Jesus have in common?   They all seem to understand that that Focusing on what you can do… instead of what you can’t leads to life and progress.

What small step in the right direction might bring life to your dream – and to you – today?

Having witnessed this insidious cycle of comings and goings in myself and others, I have have no doubt that hope makes ALL the difference.  As we share our  deep desire to see Hope arise and become the norm and not the passing guest, we realize we’re not alone.  The desire is that hope would be more a permanent inner fixture and not the seasonal passer-by.  However, the “no,” the slight, the unexpected expense and even the mundane sneak in and we find ourselves saying: “Thanks for showing up hope, but it seems like I just can’t count on you.”  Dreams be damned!

I have no doubt that some may read this and think, “I don’t get this!”  (Actually, they probably won’t bother reading this. Who am I kidding?)  I have friends who tell me that they tend to live on “even keel” and don’t experience much in the way of ups or downs. One friend shared that he has a hard time empathizing.  His wife has at times shared that she doesn’t feel “understood” by him.  He rolls his eyes.

On the other hand, I know others who must intentionally work on fanning the flames of hope as a life-discipline.  One extremely creative leader shared that he continually needs to do whatever it takes to restore hope in his life  Over breakfast we came up with a name for those of us who require regular hope infusions: “High maintenance souls.”  “Like Jaguar’s old 12 cylinder X-J12″ I told him, “we can be high performance. We just need more regular tune-ups or we’re no good to anyone!”

So, how come we see the promise land on the horizon at one moment only to allow the arrows pierce our armor and experience hope bleeding out and running down our legs?   Is there hope for the high maintenance soul?  Can we be free to dream, lead, create and be productive again today?  Tomorrow?  Next year?

Yes. And No. Here’s the no: If we think that we can just hum along without attending to the state of our hope, there’s not much hope.  Ignoring the state of the “us in us” never seems to work…. at least long term.  Also, medicating with pills just masks the deeper issues. (though, there may be seasons where this is important)  Just trying harder with nose to the grindstone doesn’t restore hope. Reading the typical “just be positive” books listening to hyped motivational talks doesn’t work…at least for long.  A couple of pep talks won’t keep hope alive (though I do love Kid President.)  And even more money, more recognition, more…. stuff doesn’t do it.

We can’t address a spiritual issue with non-spiritual solutions.  Hope to keep dreaming and persevering under pressure springs from God Himself.   As has been said:  No God: No Hope. Know God: Know Hope.  The more intentionally and regularly we access the God of Hope… the more we will access the Hope of God.   On the other side of this complex and costly problem is a simple solution.

The most creative breakthroughs in our lifetime will come from those who hoped in God.  Just watch!  And you may be one of those people.  But will you do what it takes to keep your hope alive?

More to come on this topic:  But for today, what would it look like for you to access hope, by accessing the Hope source?

Sure, it’s a risk coining a new term!  My own son warns me about this. “Dad, that sounds pretty lame!”  And I’m not listening this time because it’s become exceedingly clear that a new movement of business leaders blending entrepreneurship, social concern, spiritual transformation and environmental citizen is about to explode.  These people, though entrepreneurial and business-minded, cannot simply be defined as entrepreneurs in the traditional usage:  ”owner or manager of a business enterprise who, by risk and initiative, attempts to make  profits.”  (especially if defined as just financial)  Primarily this is because the BAMpreneur’s greatest desire is not financial gain (thought they  realize they need these to continue their work).  BAMpreneurs really, truly, deeply care about what has historically been the preserve of the Church, the NGO and the charitable foundation. It’s this:  changing people’s lives for good and leaving a meaningful and impactful  legacy through their work.

So here’s a stab at a definition: BAMpreneur: One who cares so deeply about helping people and creating effective ways to address poverty, hurts, unfulfilled dreams, spiritual emptiness and human injustice that they take risks to create sustainable business enterprise as a means to address the needs. Their measurable results will include a fourfold bottom line: 1. Financial (Profiting the business)  2. Social (Developing the community) 3. Spiritual (Furthering God’s Work and His Gospel in the world) and 4. Environmental (Protecting and even benefiting the environment).

The BAM movement (BAM  stands for “Business as Mission” or “Business as Ministry”) removes the gap that claims that “business is business”  and must be relegated to a financial support roles for those doing philanthropic good or even God’s work on this planet.  In fact, James Clifton, author or The Coming Jobs War reports that when people around the world were asked what they saw as their greatest need  they answered: “a good job.”  In other words, they wanted a “hand up, not a hand out.”  In her blog Jo Plummer wrote that the time has come to think bigger about business.  “Business exists to enable humankind to provide for itself and to steward creation. It enables us to develop our standard of living, care for the destitute and live in peace within communities.”

I tell people who seek to understand the BAM Movement: “Give a person a fish, feed him for a day.  Teach him to fish, feed him for a lifetime.  Create fisheries; feed the village for a lifetime.”

Steve Saint, son of missionary Nate Saint wrote, “Business is a high calling, we need to celebrate it so that our children and their children know that if they are called to business then that’s what they should be doing to God’s glory”

So how about you?  Are  you called to BAM?

Here’s a test you may want to take (or pass on to a friend or son or daughter) to see if you might be a “BAMpreneur” or work as a part of a “BAMpreneurial” company.  (Answer “yes” or “no” to each)

1. You have something that bugs you in the world that isn’t being currently addressed adequately… and business may be the most effective way to address that need.
2. You dream of being part of the solution for a better world with less injustice, poverty, disease and with more opportunity and efficiency.
3. You care about living a meaningful life and fulfilling your destiny more than you do being comfortable.
4. You are willingly to risk time, money and other resources to do something to create positive change.
5. You would not be deeply satisfied with collecting a paycheck in a for-profit only company and would even accept less if necessary to work with a business with a meaningful mission.
6. You sense that you are called to some kind of higher calling or destiny.
7. You would feel sad if you were to ignore the problems and plight of the oppressed, the impoverished or others who do not have the same opportunities to fulfill their dreams as you do.
8. You possess business skills that could be utilized to create profits.

Add them up.   What number did you come out with?

0 – 3. Most likely, you’re NOT really a BAMpreneur… at least at this time.

4 – 6   You may want to consider BAMpreneurship.  (At least explore it)

7 – 8.  What are you doing reading a blog post??  It’s time to create some business on purpose!

What do you think?  If you resonate with this, share this post with others.  Also be sure to join the group of others on Facebook at “The BAM Network.”

“Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has.” Margaret Mead

Being uncreative and just going through the motions is one of the things that shrinks my heart and kills my belief.  If I want a visionary and fruitful future, sitting there and hoping it happens…. even praying it happens… rarely, well really, never does it.  If I want to move forward, I will need to stop first – and use my imagination.  Consider.  Create.

What gets in the way?  Well, me.  Stuff.  Laziness.  And most importantly, failing to stop doing and spend Imagine Time.

Really, that’s what most of us want. We want a compelling vision for the future.  We want a new path.  We want plans to turn the dream into reality. And to do so, we will  need to not just do something.  We will need to sit there.  Sit there and revisit what we really want.  Sit there with the problem.  Sit there and imagine the better future.  Sit there to just sit there.  And of course, this doesn’t feel like what December tends to be about.  To create Imagine Time, we will need to stop worrying and ask:  “How can this be different?” “What might a better scenario look like?”  “What would happen if I went for it?”

Its clear that an Albert Einstein would practice just visualizing things in novel ways.  He would open his mind to think of running alongside a wave of light. He imagined himself accelerating through space in an enclosed elevator.  And he was quoted as saying, “ It’s not that I’m so smart , it’s just that I stay with problems longer.”

Even before I can motivate others to a vision, I will need to imagine the vision.  What if we go in this direction?

It doesn’t take a genius to realize that when we create ”Imagine Time” good things happen.    WHAT IF often leads to WHY NOT.  Those  four  powerful words have undoubtedly changed the world.  But, will they change my world?  Your world?  Will we take the time to ask WHAT IF today.  Will we sit with a white piece of paper?  Will we imagine a great marriage?  A great family?  A great relationship with God? A great Christmas?   A great company?  A great solution for what we’re so passionate about? WHY NOT?

No, we were not born with fully developed imaginations.  And most of us weren’t taught how to utilize what we weren’t even sure we had.  But, WHAT IF a few of us were to simply increase our own Imagine Time today?  And tomorrow?  WHAT IF we were to become disciplined in blocking out Imagine Time?  WHAT IF we were then to start teaching others how to build Imagine Time into their days?  WHAT IF we were to encourage our kids to take Imagine Time?  WHAT IF?…. WHY NOT?

Could change the world, huh?   Just imagine!

www.DreamHabits.com

Really, what’s being said is: “I don’t know what I’m great at.”  Or “I don’t know what I am supposed to do with my life…. and time is running out.”   “I don’t have a higher purpose”   “I never took that class on finding my calling in life.” 

So, why do so many men NOT grow up in this way?  I’d  like to suggest three things..

1. No one ever helped us discover (or engage) a bigger dream:  We skipped right through that part of life… too busy taking classes, playing sports, working to make some extra dough, or dating Mary Lou.  Even our religious and spiritual training didn’t do much(probably nothing) to help us in this area.  As time moved on we just became busy working, making “a living,”  trying to stay “in shape,” making some extra dough and trying to keep Mary Lou happy.  Besides, we figured that a dream was just an egotistical and selfish thing and not much related to real practicality.  So, when we lost our job, instead of seeing it as an opportunity  really focus our efforts on honing in on our God-given dream, we  called a “head hunter” learned how to write a resume.. and moved on.   Instead of dreaming “dangerous dreams” (as T.E. Lawrence called them) or of addressing the world’s largest needs, we settled for a reasonable vacation once in a while. 

2. We never declared our values: If values involve deciding what matters most to us, never declaring them relates to the saying,  ”If you shoot for nothing you’ll hit it every time!”  And when we never decide what’s MOST important to us, we get to float along seeing what makes us feel happy now…. If we don’t draw a line in the sand and say, “Here’s what I stand for,” we’ll stand for this… then for that…  depending on how we feel.  

• If my family isn’t a high value, I’ll let them wait when they demand too much. 
• If faith isn’t a value, I won’t do what it takes to nurture a relationship with God. 
• If serving others isn’t a value, I won’t reach out to others I can help.      

3. We don’t see the benefits of being grown up.   Frankly, if ”grown ups” are those frowning, responsible types, why would we seek to grow up?   “Pass me a beer and the chips please!”  BUT, if we were to redefine grown-ups as purposeful, passionate and joy-filled people, who do what they love and love what they do… then that might be kind of attractive.  Are there a  few good real models of dreaming, value-driven and adventurous men who will lead the rest?  I’d want to find what I could ”be when I grow up” if real grown-ups didn’t just walk away, but walked with others ready and willing to take that journey.    

 And if that happened, some day, those 18 years olds will 1. Believe in the beauty of their own dreams (Eleanor Roosevelt), 2. Choose their values and decide what matters most in their life before they get to mid-age crisis, have an affair, or become addicted to something much smaller…  and 3. Redefine growing up to include living life with purpose and passion.

But, then again, I seriously wonder if it’s too late for my generation….   

Well, those are three reasons I see.  Do you see some others? 

www.DreamHabits.com

We both laughed, and to tell the truth, I was pretty sure that’s what she meant, but it was a pretty direct question, wouldn’t you say.  “Are you rich?”  Or was that “Are you Rich?”

Last night in the Butera (supermarket) parking lot I was approached by two guys who quickly exited their black SUV and headed towards me…..   “Hey you!  Excuse me.. yeah you? ”  I had nowhere to go.  “Did I see you on ESPN?”  “Excuse me?” I asked.  “Yeah, you’re that announcer on ESPN! We watched the fight you announced the other night! You’re awesome!!”  “No, sorry, that’s not me.”  “Come on that’s you!” one of them insisted.  “No, it’s really not…”   It took me a practical argument to convince these two I was me and not someone else!

So within 12 hours, people challenge my identity.  “Who am I really?”    “Am I rich?”  “Am I a known celebrity?” 

I loved fellow blogger Mike Wilson’s  comment on my recent blog post on Facing My Facebook Status Envy when he responded, “A key to contentment for me then is hope and advancement down my own path.Probably, that is why it is so important for us to “run our race . . . fixing our eyes on the prize”–our prize.”

Really, any dream-step forward DOES start with an acceptance of who we are and our ”running our race.”  And “being rich” as us.  No need to prove anything to anyone else. 

 I am rich! (even if I’m not Rich!)  I have so much more than most people on this planet and am amazingly rich in relationships and in meaningful work.   And I’m OK with it!  I’m Jeff.   Yes I may not be as known as the ESPN announcer who must look like me… but I do have some folks who know me and even love me. 

Being rich and being fully me doesn’t start “someday.”  It’s who I am today. 

P.S. This was sent to me from my friend Dennis. 

www.DreamHabits.com

It’s so simple that it’s  amazing that we rarely ask it….

OK… so what’s the question already?

It’s simply this: “Why am I doing this?”  Or if, you’re a family, company or an organization: “Why are we doing this?”

Just think about it: When you answer that question, you get back to the foundational core motivation of what makes you do what you do.  You get to what’s true and authentic.  You rid yourself of being phony.  And you may just open up the deeper meaning of why you exist.  AND: you may come to the conclusion to stop doing it if it’s not good, helpful or meaningful.  Stop a business pursuit.  Stop a relationship.  Stop an activity. 

Here are some examples:

• Why am I/we doing this job?
• Why am I/we pursuing this activity?
• Why am I/we spending so much time on this?
• Why am I/we seeking to make this relationship a priority?
• Why am I/we believing what I believe?

Possible Positive Answers: Because I feel called to this work.  Because I feel alive when I do this.  Because I get large profits from this activity.  Because I love her with all my heart and am deeply committed to our relationship.  Because I can’t argue that it’s the truth.

Possible Not So Positive Answers: Because I’m afraid to change.  Because it’s become habitual for me.  Because I don’t know what else to do.   Because I have no idea, that’s why.  Because I’m afraid to ask questions. 

Yes, it takes courage and thought to ask the “Why am I doing this question?”  And most will just be “too busy,” “too stressed,” “too distracted” or “too unwilling to think deeply” to ask.  And they will keep doing the same things over and over again expecting different results. They will miss out on living dreams.  They may even miss the deeper meaning of their lives, their callings or their opportunity to make life better for all. 

Those who answer it will live in their skin and live with purpose and often passion.  They say ”yes” to the best ”why do’s” and no to the not so best ones.   

Are you willing to ask the ”one question that can change everything?”   Go ahead.  Give it a try! 

www.Dreamhabits.com

So when author Caryn Rivadeneira quotes from a  blog post called “Carla is Jealous of Your Facebook Status,” it kind of summed up one of my biggest dream-killers and “makes me feel like my life stinks” creators: Seeing other people’s Facebook Status Updates and being… well.. um.. Jealous.  Envious.  Just, sometimes even a little wishing my life was more interesting, exciting, rich, full, meaningful, picturesque, and well…. perfect like the rest of you all!

This whole thing of Facebook Post Envy may be one of the underrated “make my life seem mundane” and even meaningless creators these days.  I once only imagined what the Jones were up to: Now I get to read about it online, see the pictures,  the comments from their scores of admiring-friends and sometimes even watch the video from the comfort of my own sedentary life.

Besides Vacation Photos, here are some Categories of My Personal Facebook Envy:

Your Lakehouse:  I know this is related to the vacation ones…. but NOW you even own the place!  And of course the sunsets are amazing!  And the perfectly fitted kitchen, and the sun room, and of course the deck with the mountain view…

Your Perfect Romance:  There’s the cute love notes back and forth and the pictures of you and Lovey hugging in the setting sun. The expensive date when you “checked in” at some exotic French place with the waiter named Pierre.   Of course, I’m glad for you… but then I think of my last date night at Red Robin and think: “Dude, you lose!”

Your Cute and Competent Kids: Yes, they’re amazing!  They’re always smiling and don’t cuss at you or tell you you’re a lousy parent and “There’s no good food in the house!”  And don’t they always win the baseball trophy, the perfect report card award and get a full ride scholarship to the U?

Your Clever Posts: Somehow Jim’s posts always have some kind of insight that gets me laughing or thinking for a while.  ”Apple starts with “A”. Baby starts with “B”. Car starts with “Key”  Or: “Lawn sprinkler guy is here. Jesus works on water.”  Then of course, he gets 20 comments after each…. which leads to the next.

Your 20 Comments: People like Jim and Joe get comments even if they sneeze or move their toe!  Joe says he’s pouring a cup of coffee and people from around the world chime in!  35 likes.  I post something “clever”…. and its crickets!  (Well, I thought it was clever!)

Your Countless Opportunities: Yes, Angela speaks to audience of thousands all over the place and her books ring the bell on Amazon.  Bill gets yet another big sale.  My own wife hanglides in Rio on her “business trips!”   I head to the office and forget the cord for my laptop at home!  AArgggg…

Your Exercise Regimen:  I now know that you ran 18 miles training for your marathon (sponsoring 39 children in Africa) and can even track my friend Tim on his 7 mile runs.   My college roommate Gregg posts,”Got a personal best set of 25 pull-ups yesterday.”  And I was  proud that I took the dogs for a walk yesterday and looped the whole park!

So the truth is: sometime Facebook Envy still gets the best of me.  It doesn’t do good things in my soul and I need to own it: “I’m feeling jealous right now.”  Yes contentment is a spiritual issue and I should know better.  ”Sorry God.”  In fact, it’s actually pretty great that I have friends with so much going on… and so clever and that can do more pull ups than me!

AND Might Facebook Updates even remind us that most of us really do have  some pretty incredible lives? We’re extremely fortunate and have some great things worth celebrating and sharing.  And if you perused my FB, you might even think “What’s that guy thinking?”  Yes, I do have cute and competent kids and my parents own a lakehouse!  And Jim once commented on my clever comment!

Then again, it might be fun to start posting some of my moody junk (just to encourage the rest of you of course!)  ”I feel like eating potato chips and chocolate all day and never exercising again!”  ”My son thinks I’m a cheap skate and a jerk!”  ”Still stuck in traffic.”  ”Yuk again today.” “Could ya just pass the Prozak?” 

Got Envy?

http://www.Dreamhabits.com

I get it.  I understand. I’m 47 now. (meaning: long enough to watch plenty of dreams die or be killed)  Then, the spoken or silent question that arises, “Should I risk dreaming again when I’ve dreamed before?  And lost?  And suffered setback?  And the dream died? And something in the way I viewed the life I wanted died?”

This morning I read something from Caryn Dahlstrand Rivadeneira (I thought Jeff Caliguire was long!) that challenged me to consciously “grieve my dead dog dreams.”  If I don’t grieve those past dreams, it may be hard to dream again or even believe in a bright future.  In her book, Grumble Hallelujah Rivadeneira describes her need to grieve when her beloved five-year old dog Rocky died.  Quoting James Herriot’s Favorite Dog Stories, she said, “It is always said that however many wonderful and happy years a dog lives, you know that one day, the day he dies, your dog will break your heart.”   Her aha: That’s what this dog had done to her.”That’s what it was.  That was the emotion! My dog had broken my heart and it hurt like crazy.”   

If you’ve ever loved a dog, and that terrible day arrived when you had to pay a vet to ”put them to  sleep,” you get the broken heart.  Five years ago, we said that horrific goodbye to our beloved miniature black lab Cindy (Cinderella) after she had eaten poison and destroyed her kidneys.  No matter how many people might say, “It’s ONLY a dog,” Cindy held a piece of my heart and when I said goodbye my heart broke. The “life is good” t-shirt was tucked in the bottom of the drawer.  Even the “God is good” t-shirt was placed there.  Would I be able to wear those ever again? 

While browsing a Boston bookstore area years ago, I  read that anytime we love, we set ourselves up for death and loss.   Love  always ends in death..either the death of the beloved or the death of the relationship.  Insightful, huh? “Till death do us part” is still a loss.  ”I don’t love you anymore” is death as well.  The temptation at that point is to grow hard: Quit loving!  Quit giving your heart!   Quit trusting!  Quit building friendships.  And in this context: Quit dreaming!  Then get new t-shirts… ones that say:  ”I’ll never write it!” “I’ll never succeed!”  “I’ll never experience it!”  “I’ll always fail!” ”I won’t dream!”

OR :another option for us: Grieve our “dead dog dreams.”  Acknowledge our disappointment. Recognize our loss.  Feel the pain.  Then heal.  Then move on.   Then dream again.  Then love again.   We do have a choice.

And even yesterday  I looked into the big brown eyes of our dog  Scrappy, (named after Scrappy Doo!) I said, “I love you Scrap!  What did I ever do without you?”  A that moment I remembered that Cindy: And I realized I had given my heart to another dumb dog!  (And if you know Scrappy, dumb is pretty accurate!)  But, loveable: absolutley.  And I wouldn’t want it any other way? 

What dead dog dreams do you need to grieve?  And then leave? 

www.Dreamhabits.com